what???

She says: Beautiful beach, great people, nice fling...

I think: I need that... i need the nice scenary, the nice people and the nice fling...

i'm afraid that like with beer I'm just too vulnerable... still I need a fling, since I seem to be incapable to find a nice guy to have something real.

If I only had my hand well... what is the point for all this?? for not going to the beach? for staying in sooooooooooooooooooo many times? what is at the end of this?? is it worth it??

why is it that i'm supposed to learn and gain something from this? shoulnd't be enough that i've been in more pain that in my entire life? Now I also need to learn from this, to be stronger and wiser. Yes now I now i'm not supposed to jump at 4 am, but apart from that, what is it?? what should I learn??

Oh please! let there it be something nice for the days I've stayed at home in pain and full of sadness, for this weekend where i'm here and not there, for all the people I didn't meet when I didnt go out... please!